I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
