the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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