Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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