I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
