So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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