We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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