OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
