Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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