True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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