i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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