Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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