On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
