you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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