i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize