I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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