He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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