She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
