remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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