Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
