I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
