Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
