And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
