my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize