peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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