I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
