I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
