you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
