How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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