I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
