im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
