We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
