Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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