Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
