I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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