dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
