dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am puke
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
