What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
