There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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