I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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