It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
