he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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