she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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