My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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