fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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