i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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