Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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