If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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