I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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