when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
