Tell her she can't have a vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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