Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
