He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
