My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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