Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
