The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
