no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
