Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
