Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
