Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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