never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
