we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize