There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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