I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
