I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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