the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
