don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
