please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
